So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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