look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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