moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
