How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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