She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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