you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
