i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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