I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
