I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
