some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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