if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
