Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
