Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
and you fell through a lawn chair
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
