take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
