I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
