I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
