He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize