I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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