no, he came in my armpit
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
