I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize