I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
