I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it because I queefed?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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