What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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