I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize