dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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