I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
