you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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