i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
