i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
