and i looked up. we had an audience...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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