She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
