he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
