I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
