3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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