And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
