There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
