if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
