it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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