i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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