I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dicks are not precious.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
