dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
