you win again, gameday.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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