My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
