how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
