I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
