Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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