All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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