Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
