I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
