So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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