Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
