i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this will be a night to untag.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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