You really coming over, don't trick.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
