I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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