If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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