it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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