he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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