I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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