Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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