the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
