I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize