were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
