Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
