did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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