The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
