the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
