Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
