my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
