I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
