I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
